I only belong here with you
by MsKylie93
Summary: After Meredith and Derek's massive fight over the Alzheimer's trial, something happens that changes everything. Will it bring them closer together and make them realize what's truly important? Set after the season 7 finale.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey all! This is my first time writing a Grey's Anatomy story, so I'm really excited to see where it goes! It's set after Meredith/Derek's fight in the season seven finale. At this point, I'm not really sure how long it's going to be…maybe just a few chapters or maybe it'll become a full-blown story. **

**Let me know if you think I should continue : )**

**Disclaimer: I'm in no way affiliated with Grey's Anatomy (unfortunately)**

"Okay, it's going to be okay," Meredith said, half to herself and half to Zola.

Her and Derek's fight was still running through her mind, his words echoed in her head over and over again. Did he really mean it when he said he didn't know how to raise a child with someone like her? Did he really think she would be a bad mother? Meredith glanced down at Zola in her arms. She had just been granted custody of this adorable, little girl. This was a moment she had waited ages for and yet she couldn't fully enjoy it. Derek should be here with her. They should be bringing her home together. But they weren't. It just didn't feel right to have it happen like this, especially after everything they had been through. Even though her heart was full with joy over Zola and the feeling of her little body pressed so close to her chest, it was also shattered into a million tiny pieces over what had just gone down in the hospital with Derek.

When she switched the drugs, Meredith knew that he would be mad; but in that moment, she was only thinking of Richard and Adele. Richard was the only father figure she had left in her life, and she couldn't bear the thought of having to watch him lose another person to Alzheimer's. She just hoped that Derek would eventually be able to see that.

Trying to juggle a squeamish Zola and an awkward car seat, Meredith carefully pulled out her phone from her bag. She had already run through the hospital trying to track Derek down after she had received the news, but he must have already left. He probably had 20 or so, missed calls from her on his cell phone, but Meredith figured one more attempt wouldn't hurt.

She felt her heart sink again, when the phone just kept ringing and ringing.

"Derek please pick-up," she willed aloud, just as the answering machine came on.

"Derek please, please call me. I know you're pissed off; you have right to be pissed off at me, I get that. But this isn't about me, okay? It's about Zola. So please call me back as soon as you get this, please!" She paused for a brief second before adding, "I…I love you. And I'm sorry."

Meredith forced back the tears brimming in her eyes, as she threw her phone back into her bag. She continued to fumble with the tangle of buckles and straps to the car seat the nurse had given her.

"I have a baby and no husband," she thought to herself as she finished buckling in the car seat.

"I have no idea what the hell I'm doing," she mumbled under her breath. She could have called Cristina or even Alex to help her, but she had a feeling that would just cause her to break down in tears.

"Okay Zola," Meredith said, putting on a big, albeit fake, smile. "Time to go home! Are you excited?"

The little girl gave Meredith a big smile in return, which instantly helped relieve some of the stress, panic and sadness she was feeling. Being extra cautious not to hit Zola's head on the roof, Meredith gently placed her in the car seat, fastening the straps around her. Paranoid that she did something wrong, Meredith checked 10 times to make sure everything was done right. She leaned down to place a kiss on Zola's cheek, before closing the door.

"Okay, I can do this," Meredith told herself as she shut her car door and began backing out of the parking lot. "It's going to be fine," she reassured herself, even though she didn't quite believe her words.

She continued to talk to Zola on the way home, not even paying attention to what she was saying. Her mind was constantly thinking about Derek and the words they had screamed at each other minutes before. She ran a hand through her hair and bit down on her lip to stop herself from crying. Normally, Meredith wasn't a crier, but after everything that had happened lately, she just couldn't keep it in anymore.

She pulled up to the red light, closed her eyes for a brief second and took a long, deep and shaky breath. But it didn't help much. Glancing at the empty seat next to her, the tears that had been building up in her eyes finally pooled over, running down her cheeks. She quickly brushed them away, not wanting Zola to see her like this, even though Meredith knew she wouldn't understand. Meredith wiped away the remaining tears from her eyes, glancing at Zola in the rear-view mirror. Just seeing Zola perched happily in the back seat made Meredith smile.

"We're almost home ZoZo," Meredith said, glancing back and smiling.

The light turned green and Meredith eased her foot off the break. She couldn't believe that she was actually a mom. A mom. The thought made her excited and scared at the same time. She had butterflies in her stomach at the mere idea of it all.

She was just about to turn onto the next street, when a large bright light impaired her entire line of vision. Before Meredith could even react, she felt a sudden and heavy force hit them on the left side, crushing her body together. She was lurched forward suddenly, the constraint of the seatbelt holding her back as it cut into her chest. The car spun out and she was flung back again, her head whipping back and hitting the headrest with a hard impact.

In that moment, two thoughts entered her mind.

Zola and Derek.

Then everything turned black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, thank you so much for reading, subscribing and favouriting this story! I really appreciate all the support and kind words! Special thanks to ****MichelleBell16****, ****Zoe tabbycat****, ****SliceOfWorld****, Leah, ****breonnabaker**** and the anon, for your lovely and sweet reviews! **

**Also, my apologies if some of the medical terms are a little off :) Thanks again!**

Derek ran his hand through his hair, as he paced back and forth in the residents' lounge. He was still angry from earlier. He couldn't help but continue to rage over what Meredith had done to his trial. But even more consuming, was the anger he felt for himself.

"Did I seriously say that to her?" he asked himself. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the expression on Meredith's face when he told her she would be a bad mother. It killed him to think how she felt. He knew how much it hurts when someone you love does something to hurt you.

He didn't mean it, of course he didn't. Derek knew Meredith would be an amazing mother. She does everything for everyone else, without even taking herself into considering. But Derek knew Meredith so well; he knew exactly what would hurt her the most. And he went ahead and said it, simply because he wanted her to hurt just as much as he hurt.

Derek sat down on the bench and sighed as he rubbed his eyes. It had been 20 minutes and he already missed her. He stared at his phone on the table as it began to ring again. Meredith had called him numerous times already, but each time he couldn't bring himself to pick it up. He feared that picking up the phone would just make him even angrier. He didn't want to say another thing that he would later come to regret. So he ignored it instead.

The thought of Meredith made Derek's heartache with pain and his head rage with anger. He was doing this trial for her! He was doing it so that he could one day find a cure for a disease she would likely suffer from. But, the truth was, he was really doing it for himself. The thought of living a life without Meredith by his side was Derek's biggest fear. And he honestly didn't know if he would be able to make it without her. She was the love of his life, and he couldn't imagine waking up one day and having her not know who he was. The idea of it alone, made him want to punch a wall and scream. If he was being honest with himself, that's why he was so pissed off. He understood why Meredith switched the drugs for Adele and Richard. And if it were any other trial, everything might have been different. But it wasn't any other trial. It was a trial that had a possibility of saving Meredith's life, of saving HIS life. That's why he was having such a difficult time letting it go.

xxxxx

Meredith winced as she slowly opened her eyes; her head throbbed so uncontrollably that she wished she would pass out again. Her whole left side ached with pain as jolts of pain struck her over and over again. The slightest movement made her want to cry out. Meredith felt the world go slightly blurry again, but she forced herself to stay awake. She tried to remember what had happened, but all she could recall was driving home from work after getting into that horrible fight with Derek.

Derek.

She repeated his name in her head, knowing she was forgetting something. But every time she tried to focus on something, her head started pounding and everything became a big blur again.

Derek.

She closed her eyes for a second, and it suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks – Zola. She was with Zola. Her heartbeat quickened as she suddenly remembered talking to Zola and looking back at her in the rearview mirror. The thought of losing both her husband and daughter in the same day caused her to panic.

"Zola," she managed to croak out, immediately alerting the paramedics of her conscious state as they hovered over her.

"Ma'am, you were in a car accident. You're going to be okay," one of them said softly, shining a bright light in her eye, causing her to pull away slightly. "We're taking you to the hospital right now, can you tell us your name?" he asked.

"Where's Zola. My daughter," Meredith mumbled weakly, as she slowly began to remember the accident. A sudden urge of panic hit her again, as she vaguely remembered the side-on collision. She felt like she was going to throw up as she began gasping for air, the thought of Zola circling constantly in her mind.

The other paramedic quickly grabbed a breathing mask, holding it over Meredith's mouth for a few seconds as she slowly started to calm back down again.

"My daughter. She was in the back seat," Meredith muttered, willing herself to use all the strength she had left to push herself up. But the paramedic, not aware of what she was saying, tenderly pushed her back down.

"She was in the back seat," Meredith repeated, the panic registering in her tone of voice and taking over from her state of weakness.

"Where's my daughter?!" she asked louder, as loud as she possibly could manage.

The one paramedic nodded, finally understanding what Meredith was asking for. "She's here with us. She's fine, okay? She's perfect," he replied in a gentle tone.

Meredith felt herself instantly relax at his words. "Okay," she said under her breath, allowing herself to slowly drift off again, knowing Zola was okay. "Okay."

The soft voice pulled her back briefly, "Ma'am, what's your name? Can you tell me your name?"

"Meredith. Meredith Grey."

And then the all the colours and lights whizzing above her slowly turned to black.

xxxxx

"Derek!" Cristina said loudly, bursting into the residents' lounge.

He looked up at her immediately, his eyes blood shot from his lack of sleep, tears and worry. He stood abruptly, expecting her to yell at him for what happened early with Meredith.

But when Derek's eyes met hers, he instantly knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" he asked, panic registering in his tone of voice.

"Meredith was in a car accident," Cristina said gently, trying to keep herself calm for Derek's sake, but the fear in her tear-brimmed eyes showed otherwise.

"What? What the hell happened?" he yelled, unable to keep himself from yelling,

"Someone ran a red light and hit her on the driver's side. They're…. they're bringing her here now."

A thousand thoughts were running through Derek's head, but all he could think of was getting to Meredith. He needed to get to Meredith. That was all that mattered. He was about to bolt for the emergency room, when Cristina's words stopped him in his tracks.

"She was with Zola."


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all, my apologies for updating a bit later than usual! And thank you so much to everyone who has read, subscribed and favourited this story! I really appreciate the support! Special thanks to ****MeredithGreyIsExtraordinary****, ****kayd1017****, ****leah, ****breonnabaker****, ****skye3, ****CileSuns92****, ****iluvfinchel1130****, ****jojo10298-somerhalder**** and ****Guest for your lovely and kind reviews! They all bring such a smile to my face! Thank you so, so much! **

**I hope everyone enjoyed the Grey's finale! It was so intense! But we survived the storm! :)**

"She was with Zola."

Derek spun around at Cristina's words, his heart beating rapidly.

"What?" he asked frantically, his voice full of fear and worry.

Cristina shook her head slightly, "I don't…I don't know anything else, just that Zola was with her in the car. And that they're bringing them here now."

"Are they…are they okay?"

Cristina stared at him, her eyes glossy. "I don't know…"

Derek ran a hand through his hair, his eyes filling with tears threatening to pool over. Meredith was with Zola. His wife and his daughter. This was supposed to be a moment that he would cherish forever – finding out that the little girl he loved from the moment he saw her was finally theirs. But instead, all he could think about was what if he lost them both? What if he had spent all this time yelling and screaming at Meredith over a stupid trial only to lose her at few hours later? The ache in his heart

was so overwhelming that he forced him to ignore all the questions circling around in his mind.

"Let's go," he said, the words barely leaving his mouth before he was halfway down the hallway already. All that mattered was Meredith and Zola. He just needed to see them, needed to know that they were both going to be okay. None of the rest of it mattered anymore.

Derek bolted it down to the ER, with Cristina right behind him. They both arrived at the dock, slightly out of breath but before the ambulance had even arrived yet.

The two stood in silence for a moment, staring out at the empty space as they caught their breath. But both of them thinking the worst.

"Cristina."

"Derek."

The both spoke at the same time, turning to face one another simultaneously. Cristina immediately noticed his bloodshot eyes and tired face. She knew that the grief etched across his face matched hers; she just did a better job at hiding it.

"It's my fault," Derek said suddenly, shaking his head slightly as he glanced over at her.

Cristina shook her head, "It's not," she replied gently.

"We fought earlier today, and I…" he trailed off. "I should have been there with her. I should have been the one driving, not Meredith."

"Hey, look at me."

Derek glanced up, his eyes meeting Cristina's.

"It's not your fault," she said, her voice strong and confident. And for a brief second, Derek almost believed her. "I know it hurts, but it's not your fault. Fight or no fight: you couldn't have changed anything. "

Derek nodded, about to say something in return, when the sound of the distant sirens grew closer and closer, drawing their attention towards them. It felt as though life had never moved slower. A second seemed like an eternity. And Derek wondered if the ambulance would ever arrive or if they would be left waiting there forever.

"Derek," Cristina said urgently, knowing that little time was left before the ambulance would arrive and any time for thinking would be gone. Derek quickly turned around and faced her, worry clearly evident on his face,

"You go with Meredith. Stay with Meredith, and I'll stay with Zola. The second I know anything, I'll come and find you."

Derek's eyes locked with Cristina's. She nodded slightly as a way of reassurance and he nodded back, more grateful for her presence than ever before.

"Okay," he said softly. "Okay."

Cristina reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "She's going to be fine. It's Meredith. She has to be fine."

Derek swallowed a lump forming in his throat. He opened his mouth to say something in return, when the ambulance came into full sight.

Derek glanced back at Cristina.

They didn't speak a word, but the look that they shared captured everything.

xxxxxxx

Everything seemed to happen at once. A blur of sounds and colours surrounded him, as the paramedics wheeled a semi-conscious Meredith out of the ambulance. He held back a sob at the sight of her lying before him, blood trickling down the left side of her face caused from the shards of glass.

"She's been drifting in and out of consciousness the whole time," the paramedic explained, as Meredith stirred slightly. Even though it was the slightest movement, Derek felt a flood of relief wash over him.

Meredith's head was pounding uncontrollably, and she knew that she would pass out again in a few minutes. But she held on for a few seconds longer, needing to know if Derek was there, needing to feel his presence.

It didn't matter that he was standing right beside her, it wasn't enough; Derek needed more. In an overwhelming desire just to touch her, he reached out and grabbed Meredith's hand, squeezing it tightly. He just needed to know that she was still there. That she was still alive. That she was still with him.

Meredith felt a hand squeeze her own, as a familiar figure hovered over her.

"Derek?" she asked, her voice was so weak and quiet that it was barely audible.

The sound of her voice alone, nearly stopped Derek in his tracks and he immediately squeezed her hand again, letting her know that he was there.

He knew that she would probably not be able to remember any of this, but he needed to say it, he needed her to know. "I'm so sorry, I love you so much."

Meredith heard his words linger in the air; she wanted nothing more than to say them back but the pain knocked her out before she even had a chance.

Derek watched as Meredith's eyes fluttered closed.

He couldn't lose her.

"Please be okay," he whispered. "You have to be okay."

He heard Richard and Bailey's behind him, but his complete attention was locked onto Meredith. He couldn't bring himself to look away from her for fear that she would suddenly stop breathing and leave him forever.

"What the hell happened!?" Richard asked frantically, following behind Derek as they wheeled Meredith to CT.

Derek opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He heard a voice in the distance background explaining that she had been hit at an intersection. Some guy had been speeding and ran the red light, colliding with the driver's side. The car had spun out into the middle of the road. The glass had shattered. The car was totaled…

Derek felt all his guilt, anger and grief boil up within him at once. And he just couldn't take any of it anymore.

"STOP IT!" Derek suddenly screamed, spinning around to face them. He couldn't listen to it; he couldn't bear to hear what had happened to Meredith and Zola again. It already felt like his heart was being torn into a million pieces.

"Well you heard the man," Bailey added, "Stop talking about it, and let's get her to CT.

"As for you Grey," she said, looking down at her former intern, "don't you pull anything funny."

Derek looked up at Bailey and nodded, not able to say anything more.

Webber nodded in reassurance as they finally reached the room. "Okay, on my count, one – two – three," he said, as a team of doctors moved Meredith from the gurney to the CT table.

Derek stood motionless, watching as the doctors and nurses filed out of the room, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Derek stood staring at Meredith lying on the table, his eyes brimming with tears.

"Shepherd?"

A voice from the glass booth behind him caused Derek to turn around. Bailey and Richard both sat behind it, concerned looks on their faces, as they motioned for him to join them. But he couldn't bring himself to leave her side. He glanced back down at Meredith, placing a hand on her forehead as he studied her face.

Derek felt a tear fall down his cheek as he stared at Meredith. He just couldn't keep it in anymore.

"_I don't know how to raise a child with someone who doesn't understand that there's a right and a wrong in the world."_

"_So now I'm going to be a bad mother?"_

"_You've been saying it for weeks. Maybe you're right."_

"_I just need some time to think."_

The thoughts from their earlier fight circled around and around in his head, making him want to scream out in anguish. How could he say that to her? How could he hurt her like that? It killed him. He had never hated himself more than he did in that very moment.

Derek felt a hand on his shoulder, and he didn't even need to turn around to know that it was Richard.

"She's going to be okay Derek."

"I said so many awful things to her earlier," Derek admitted, shaking his head, his eyes never leaving Meredith.

"It doesn't matter. People say horrible things to the people they love all the time."

"I told her she would be a bad mother. I made it seem like I didn't love her anymore, like I didn't want her. How can she forgive me after that? I can't forgive myself."

Richard sighed slightly, as he shook his head. "You're not the first one to say something that you didn't mean during a fight. Just because you said it, doesn't mean you actually meant it."

"But she doesn't know that."

"Of course she does. She knows that you love her. Why else would you be so mad at what she did? You were trying to find a cure for a disease that she may someday get. You were trying to save her life. She knows that Derek. She knows that you were mad, only because you love her so much."

"I just...I can't imagine my life without her," Derek admitted. "I don't want her to forget who we all are."

"I know," Richard replied sadly, thinking of Adele and then Ellis.

She's…" the words caught in Derek's throat as he tried to say them. He took a deep breath before continuing, "she's everything to me. What if the last thing she remembers are the awful things I said?"

Richard shook his head, "It won't be. We'll make sure of it. Meredith has survived a lot of horrible things. And in comparison, this is nothing. She's going to be fine. We'll take it one step at a time."

Derek looked down at Meredith again, before leaning over and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Okay," he said weakly, turning to face Richard. "One step at a time."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi there! First of all, I'm so sorry for the late update (again)! I started a new job and the time just seems to fly by like crazy! My apologies for the late update, but this chapter is a bit longer, so hopefully that makes up for it :) Second of all, thank you all so much for the incredible support! Thank you all so much for reading and subscribing! And a big thanks to ****CileSuns92****, ****MerDer4aneternity****, ****MeredithGreyIsExtraordinary****, ****MichelleBell16****, ****pickmeforever****, ****RhizOneill****, ****Rachel and ****hockeyplayer****for all your lovely reviews! You are all so amazing, and your kind words mean so much to me. Thank you so much for all the support! Third, I'm so sorry if some of my medical terms are off…I tried to apply my research as best as possible, but I did really learn a lot! :)**

**Thanks so much everyone! Hope you are all well xxx**

"I'VE GOT TO BE THE ONE IN THERE," Derek screamed, turning the heads of the nurses walking by. "I need to do that surgery! I need to be in there!" he bellowed, clearly pissed off. He couldn't think of a moment in his life where he had felt this angry and helpless before.

"I'm not letting you in that OR Shepherd," Richard replied, his voice steady and calm, a strong contrast in comparison to Derek

"She's my wife!" Derek yelled.

"That's exactly my point!" Richard replied, his voice taking on an edgier tone. "Derek, Meredith has a hematoma, and if you were looking at this from a surgeon's perspective, you wouldn't be worried! You would know that it's not severe. You do at least one everyday. Nelson will go in, remove the clot and relieve the pressure…"

"I know damn well what the surgery looks like," Derek snapped, glaring at Richard.

"Derek…" Mark said from behind.

"This is my fault! Okay? This is my fucking fault! If I had been," he pauses for a brief, finding the words even harder to utter aloud…"if I had been there, this wouldn't be happening to her." The last few words came out slightly choked, quieter than the ones before. His anger had briefly slightly subsided only to be replaced with sadness and guilt.

Mark gently placed a hand on Derek's shoulder, "Derek this is not your fault. It's no one's fault."

"You have got to stop blaming yourself for this," Owen added.

Derek quickly spun around to face them head on. His dark blue eyes were piercing with pain and anger. "My wife was in a car accident! My little girl was in the back seat. Meredith's brain is hemorrhaging by the very second; I need to get in there! I need to fix this! I need to fix my mistake!" Derek's jaw clenched, his hands wound into tight fists. He fought the urge to pick up the nearest object and slam it against the wall.

His anger immediately silenced Owen, and he found himself looking at his friend with such sympathy, that for the briefest second, he almost felt like telling the Chief to let Derek so do the surgery.

Richard cleared his throat, trying to steady his voice. "I'm not letting you do this surgery Derek. You are her husband. And I get that you want to help her but you can't. You aren't thinking straight. You're upset and angry...and I understand that -"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT!" Derek screamed. "YOU DON'T GET IT. IF SHE DOESN'T SURVIVE, THEN I…." he trailed off, unable to utter the rest of the words as his words caught in his throat.

"Derek…"

Cristina's voice reached him from behind. He turned to face her, and their eyes immediately locked. Cristina put both her hands on Derek's shoulder, forcing him to look straight at her. "You can't do this," she said, her words forceful yet reassuring. "You're one of the best neurosurgeons out there. I know that, we all know that," she said, gesturing to the group of people around them. "But you are not the best for this. It's not the best for Meredith."

As Derek listened to Cristina's words, he felt his eyes fill up with tears. He couldn't keep it in anymore; he felt like he was going to lose it any second and collapse on the floor.

"This is Meredith Grey we are talking about. She's survived so much. And she's going to survive this. The bleed isn't severe, and it was caught immediately. She's going to be fine. You need to take a step back and look at it from a doctor's perspective. "

He slightly nodded, wanting so hard to believe her. Derek closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep breath.

"Okay," Derek said, looking into Cristina's eyes. She gave a small, reassuring nod in response.

"I'll be in the gallery the entire time," Mark said, looking over at his best friend. "I'll come and update you every two minutes, if that's what you want."

Derek nodded again, grateful for his friend's presence. "Okay," he replied, looking up and meeting Mark's concerned face. "Thank you."

When he glanced back at Richard, it suddenly struck Derek how worried he looked. His eyes were slightly watery and his face looked tired. Meredith was the closest thing he had to a daughter. Derek had known that from the first year he worked at Seattle Grace – he had watched as Richard tried over and over again to revive Meredith after the drowning. She was Ellis Grey's little girl. He also knew how grateful Richard was for what Meredith had done for him and Adele, although he would never publically say it out loud. If there was anyone here who was feeling just as horrible as he and Cristina were, it was Richard.

"Richard," Derek said, his words coming out slow and still lingering with guilt, "about before, I didn't mean to –"

"I know," Richard interrupted, "I know, you're just upset. I would be the same way."

He gave Derek a few pats on the shoulder. "She's going to get prepped for surgery in a few minutes…just in case you wanted to talk to her first."

Richard gave his best attempt at a smile, before turning and walking in the opposite direction.

The second he was gone, Derek immediately turned to Cristina. He had tried so hard to focus on one thing at a time, but his head was pounding the entire time with thoughts of Zola. Anytime he had a spare second to think, Zola immediately popped into his heard. Derek's biggest fear was that something had happened to Zola while he was so preoccupied with Meredith. He felt himself praying to a God he didn't believe in for everything to be all right.

"Please tell me Zola is okay?" Derek pleaded.

He seriously didn't know what he would do if he heard more bad news. He needed her to be all right, he needed to hold his little girl and know that she was going to be fine.

Cristina smiled, "She's fine. Not a cut or a scratch on her. I took her up to Arizona, she ran a few tests and everything came back just fine."

Derek let out a sigh of relief, and felt it a lot easier to breathe than it had been a few seconds ago. He pursed his lips together to stop himself from crying, but he couldn't manage to keep it in anymore. A few tears slipped down his cheeks, and he made no effort to brush them away. It felt like a rush of relief, finally letting out everything he had been bottling up.

"She's okay," Cristina repeated, knowing that Derek needed to here those words as many times as possible. "And Meredith is going to be okay too."

"I just…"

"I know," Cristina replied, knowing what he was feeling. "But the thing about Meredith is that she always comes back. It might take her a little bit of time, but she always comes back. And you're the same way," she added. "You guys always go back to one another, no matter how tough things get."

Derek returned Cristina's smile and nodded slightly, realizing just how right she was. It was always supposed to be him and Meredith; they just didn't work apart.

"Why don't you go see Meredith?" Cristina suggested. "I'll go get Zola from peds and then bring her to you."

She turned to leave, and Derek watched as she took a few steps towards the elevator.

"Thank you," he suddenly said, causing her to stop.

She tilted her head to the side, a confused expression on her face, "For what?" she questioned, her brow knitting together.

"For making sure Zola was okay. When I was with Meredith, I glanced back for a second, and I saw you with her. And I just knew that you would do everything you possibly could for her. Derek felt the familiar pang in his heart as everything came rushing back to memory. "I knew that I could go with Meredith, knowing that you were with Zola. So thank you."

It was rare for Derek to get so sentimental, especially with her and it was even rarer for Cristina to display emotion, but she couldn't help but feel something at his words. She remembered a few words that he had spoken to her not that long ago.

"Well, that's what family's for…"

xxxxxxxx

Derek took a deep breath before walking into Meredith's room. He took a seat in the chair next to her bed, much like she had done for him after the shooting. She had been in and out of consciousness ever since the ambulance arrived, but when she was awake it only lasted for a few seconds. Derek wasn't sure if she could hear him, but he figured she was out of it.

With one hand, he reached out and tenderly pushed back the hair from her face. He tilted his head to the side as he looked at her. He tried to memorize her features, the way her golden, blonde hair fell around her face, the curve of her lips, and even though he couldn't see them, her green eyes - sharp, inquisitive and warm - shining out at him. He had done this so many times before – after the drowning, George's death, the shooting– he would gather Meredith in his arms and study every single one of her features. It made him feel safe, like there was still a thread of hope; that maybe, just maybe, everything would be all right. With his free hand, Derek grabbed hers and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. His words were so quiet but they still seemed to echo throughout the empty room. He had spoken the same words so many times today, but he still didn't feel like it was enough. It still didn't convey how completely sorry and guilty he felt. "I didn't mean any of it," he added, bringing his head down and resting it on the side of the hospital bed.

"I just…my temper got the better of me. I snapped, and I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry. I just…I can't lose you okay? I can't live without you. So please, please fight like the Meredith I know. Please come back to me."

The sound of footsteps at the door drew Derek out of his train of thought. He quickly wiped away the tears on his cheeks, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Meredith's forehead.

"I love you," he whispered, just loud enough so that only Meredith could hear them if she were awake.

He lingered over her for a few seconds, merely wanting to feel the warmth of her presence for just a little while longer.

After taking one more glance at Meredith's face, Derek walked back over to Cristina. And he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at the sight of Zola perched in her arms.

"Hey Zola," he said softly, reaching his arms out for the little girl, his little girl. Zola happily welcomed the switch into her father's arms, her tiny little hands immediately reaching for his ID card. He watched as she fumbled with it, before drawing Zola even closer to him, needing to feel her presence and warmth against him. He buried his nose in her hair, and couldn't help but notice that she smelt like lavender. It made his heart ache for Meredith even more – this was supposed to be a moment they shared together. He reminded himself for the 100th time that day, that they would be blessed with thousands more of these perfect little moments.

He glanced back into Meredith's room - her eyes were still closed. Derek longed for her to wake up once more before surgery, but he knew that it probably wasn't going to happen. When Meredith did regain consciousness, it was only for a few seconds, and it had been less and less frequent in the time that had elapsed since they brought her in. The neurosurgeon in him understood that they needed to fix the bleed and relieve the pressure as soon as possible, but the husband in him, just wanted more time.

"Are they prepping her for surgery soon?" Cristina asked, once again bringing him back to reality.

"Yeah, in just a few minutes."

Cristina nodded, her eyes quickly glancing into the room.

"Go ahead and see her," Derek said, motioning with his head towards the door.

He could see Cristina contemplate it for a second, before finally walking in. From outside, he watched as Cristina gently smoothed back Meredith's hair, the same way that he had done minutes earlier. If she said anything to Meredith, Derek didn't hear it; but halfway to the door, Cristina stopped in her tracks.

"I'll see you soon."

xxxxxxxxx

Cristina rejoined him in the hall, just as one of the new interns headed towards them. Cristina let out a huge sigh, and Derek couldn't help but chuckle at her impatience; he couldn't even begin to imagine what she would be like as an attending.

"Umm…the chief sent me to get Meredith prepped for surgery?" the intern said tentatively, the statement coming out more like a question.

Derek gave his best attempt at a smile, and nodded. It was a struggle for the words to leave Derek's lips, but he finally managed to give her the go-ahead.

"Have you called Lexie yet?" Cristina asked, watching wearily as the intern approached Meredith.

"Yeah, she's on her way now. I explained what was going on."

Cristina shot him a look.

"After I calmed myself down," Derek assured her, a slight smirk forming on his lips. "I know what Lexie's like."

"Good. I have a few patients to check on, but if you need anything…" she trailed off.

Derek nodded, "I'll find you with any updates." He recognized that Cristina was trying to be strong, not only for him but also for herself. And he hoped that she knew how grateful he was for it.

He watched as the intern wheeled Meredith out of the hospital room. In a quick, fluid motion, he leaned down, Zola still in his arms, and pressed one final kiss to Meredith's temple. He felt his eyes water, but forced back the tears. Derek didn't want to leave Meredith's side, but he knew that now he needed to stay strong for Zola.

Zola gurgled little incoherent noises under her breath, causing him to turn his attention back to her. She rolled her head back to look at him, her big, brown eyes staring up at him.

"Say goodbye to mama!" Derek cooed, waving bye to Meredith as the intern wheeled her out into the hallway. "Bye mama!"

Zola's tiny little hand reached up and mocked Derek's wave, as her eyes followed Meredith. The action was so adorable that it almost broke his heart just watching.

Kissing the top of Zola's head, and willing another silent "I love you" to Meredith, Derek headed back towards the waiting room.

"Hey Zola, are you hungry? Should we have a snack?" Derek asked, as he took a seat in the waiting area. He juggled Zola in one arm as he rummaged through the diaper bag with his other. He was desperate for another distraction, and he figured food might as well be it. He pulled out a plastic container of little cookie snacks that looked suitable. Zola immediately lunged for them, so he figured he must have chosen right.

"Okay, sounds good to me Zola," he said, popping off the top of the lid. He handed Zola one of the biscuits, watching her chew in contempt for a few seconds before letting his head fall back against the wall.

He closed his eyes for a brief second, and it was like everything suddenly hit him at once – grief, panic, angry, love. This wasn't first time he knew what it felt like for a patient waiting for a loved one. It literally felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.


End file.
